“Children’s mental wellbeing is just as important as their physical health” – Kate Middleton
Children are naturally inquisitive – they are born with the innate ability to be curious and to of course, grow, physical and mentally. Teaching them how to cope in challenging situations, to connect with themselves and their emotions, how to relate to others around them – is crucial for not only their day-to-day functioning but also, their future relationships with others and themselves.
When it comes to counselling and wellness counselling in particular It’s not about ‘fixing’ your child but rather, equipping them with the necessary tools and skills to navigate life’s challenges and changes. Oftentimes there are negative connotations to a child being in therapy – the words ‘problem’, ‘issues’ and ‘concerns’ usually abound. However, when it comes to wellness counselling, we as parents need to look at this within a positive framework, ‘skill development’, ‘validation’ and ‘acceptance’ all form part of the wellness sphere.
Within the counseling profession, we tend to agree that wellness consists of “a way of life oriented toward optimal health and well-being, in which body, mind, and spirit are integrated by the individual to live life more fully within the human and natural community“. (ohrt et al., 2019). “During childhood and adolescence, the formation and development of the physical brain is occurring. This development occurs through genetic expression and the interplay of the environment with the genes. The environment includes family, social, educational, and experiences of the child,” (Subramanyam et al., 2024). According to the ASCHP, a wellness counsellor describes the objective of holistic counselling – to enhance wellbeing of the client with reference to personal growth and development, acquiring of coping skills, personal, social and work fulfilment, finding meaning and purpose for peaceful existence and living “the good life.” Counselling requires knowledge of human behaviour, relationship dynamics, emotional states, and general growth and development. The primary aim is not to treat, but to improve, not to diagnose, but to screen (identify), and not to cure, but rather to care. Counsellors make use of various techniques and tools to accomplish this. When and if signs point to more insight being needed, a wellness counsellor will always refer you on to the relevant professional whether it’s an occupational therapist, a pediatrician or educational psychologist. The wellness counsellors work with the family to reach a satisfactory conclusion/resolution on whatever issue or struggle they face. When another professional perspective is needed, if medication is required or assessments needed – it is the responsibility of the wellness counselor to refer outwards.
Wellness counselling is also short term – I always tell my clients that their time with me is only a chapter in their entire book of life. A wellness counselling session usually takes place once a week, at the counsellor’s offices and lasts for approximately 45minutes to 1hour. Prior to the first session the client will be sent various intake forms and questionnaires in order for the counsellor to be given insight into the clients’ current worldview. When it comes to children the parent shares their perspective and insight.
The issue of confidentiality within the wellness counselling space is crucial for counsellor-client relationship building. I always assure my child clients that ‘what we say in here, stays in here. Unless you’re being hurt, someone is hurting you, or you are hurting someone else.’ It’s so important to explain this to the child at their level – and I’m always mindful to remind them of this in future sessions too. Before I say anything to mom/dad, I’ll always check with you first. Parents are also reminded to be respectful of the space and the confidentially rules.
I also always remind my parent clients as well as their children that whilst we do a lot of work in our counselling space – the real work takes place outside, in their every day lives. It’s important to practice the skills we learn about in counselling, to be curious, ask questions and get out feet wet. Like most things in life it’s trial and error – what works for us in our reality. Whilst maintaing confidentially, I always give parents feedback in terms of themes that are explored and suggest ways that they can assist their child in uncovering and discovering more about themselves and the particular topic.
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So what happens in a therapy session?
Parents are usually quite curious to find out what we get up to. And in a nutshell – we talk, we play and we play some more. “Early childhood education has increasingly focused on play as a foundation for learning, drawing on decades of research linking children’s play with their social and cognitive development. This work has shown that play provides opportunities for children to practice social and emotional skills, to use increasingly complex cognitive processes, and to strengthen bonds with their caregivers and peers. Play can also support more formal learning outcomes, particularly with adult guidance. In sum, play is an avenue for many kinds of learning in early childhood,” (Letourneau & Sobel, 2020). Whilst we all know early childhood development and play go hand in hand, the importance of play extends into adolescence. “There is evidence that the cerebellum continues to change throughout adolescence; it is one of the last structures of the brain to develop in adulthood. It still needs to experience flexibility and stimulation. The way to make a better brain is not through hours of homework and training, what the brain wants is play; it grows best when it is allowed to play,” (Else, 2014).
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So does it work? Is sending our children to counselling sessions worth the time and effort and of course, associated costs?
“Positive therapeutic relationship facilitates early changes in the motivation of children and parents, and provides them with a healing, relational experience as it develops. A positive parent-therapist relationship is also key for changes to further progress,” (Nuñez et al., 2022). “The simultaneous analysis of the perspectives of children, parents and therapists in this study enabled a relational comprehension of the change process in child psychotherapy. The child-therapist relationship was viewed as a positive affective experience by participants. Although this relationship did not always start with a collaborative stance in children, the first positive encounters with the therapist facilitated an improved disposition in children. The parent-therapist relationship started from a different point, as parents pursued psychotherapy and were more collaborative from the beginning. As both relationships strengthened, trust in the therapist emerged in children and parents and favoured more profound changes. Children became more emotionally regulated and socially open, and parents expanded their understanding of their problems and how to deal with them. As they both changed, the child-parent relationship improved. At this point of psychotherapy, changes were viewed as significant but insufficient in some children and parents. To achieve deeper change levels, participants considered that the process should continue,” (Nuñez et al., 2022).
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Nuñez, L., Fernández, S., Alamo, N., Midgley, N., Capella, C., & Krause, M. (2022). The therapeutic relationship and change processes in child psychotherapy: a qualitative, longitudinal study of the views of children, parents and therapists. Research in Psychotherapy Psychopathology Process and Outcome, 25(1). https://doi.org/10.4081/ripppo.2022.556
Ohrt, J. H., Clarke, P. B., & Conley, A. H. (2019). Wellness counseling: A holistic approach to prevention and intervention. American Counseling Association.
Subramanyam, A. A., Somaiya, M., & De Sousa, A. (2024). Mental health and well-being in children and adolescents. Indian journal of psychiatry, 66(Suppl 2), S304–S319. https://doi.org/10.4103/indianjpsychiatry.indianjpsychiatry_624_23
Letourneau, S. M., & Sobel, D. M. (2020). Children’s descriptions of playing and learning as related processes. PLoS ONE, 15(4), e0230588. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0230588
Else, P. (2014). Teenagers and playing: Are pastimes like neknominate a usual response to adolescence? Children, 1(3), 339–354. https://doi.org/10.3390/children1030339
